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When you meet me, it doesn’t take long for my kids to come up in conversation. And by “my kids,” I mean my 10 nieces and nephews. These kiddos are the light of my life, my favorite subject, and the most powerful motivation to do good in the world.
I was excited to hear this week’s podcast guest, Dr. Dominique Broussard, exhibit a similar affection for her nieces in the episode this week. She shared the ways she is intentionally creating a safe space for them, offering the security they need to be and express themselves fully.
It reminded me of the ways I approach aunting. In our big, crazy world, letting these kids out of my sight often feels like letting Little Red Riding Hood skip into the forest with a hungry wolf on the loose. All I can do is make sure that my kids know that I am someone they can trust, run to, and confide in, no matter the circumstances.
These efforts are essential because my kids will only be kids for so long. I want to take every opportunity I find now so I can be the first person they think of when they’re dealing with bigger things. As Dom shared, these efforts do pay off. Because she worked hard to become someone safe for her nieces, they come to her when they need security, even as they navigate the teenage years and beyond.
It’s not always easy to create this safe space for others, but we do it to make their lives better. For our kids, our friends, and even strangers, we fight our impulses to offer validation and relief through non-judgmental acceptance.
But we don’t often do the same for ourselves, particularly the parts of ourselves that live in the past.
At the end of the episode, Darryl, Michelle, and Dom talked about processing the transitions we experience when we move from one stage of life to the next. No matter how much we want to leave the past behind us, reflecting on what we learned in those moments is the only way to grow into a fuller version of ourselves.
All too often, though, we approach reflection with the wrong mindset. We take on the role of critic, not trying to learn from our past selves, but ready to identify and judge all the ways we went wrong. Instead of recognizing growth, we’re just finding all the ways we still don’t match up to the ambiguous idea of “better” we hold.
We throw all of the things that define a safe space out the window. When all we can find in our heads is judgment, we become the most unsafe people and places in our lives.
As I listened to the podcast this week, I kept thinking about one of my counselor’s favorite responses to negative self-talk:
“Would you speak to your sister, your friend, your niece like that? So why are you talking to yourself that way?”
I tried applying the same logic to safe spaces. Yes, taking care of my kids is important, but so is taking care of me. If kindness, support, grace, and respect are essential for them, aren’t they equally important for me?
And that doesn’t just apply to the person you are now. Though it’s hard to accept the parts of yourself that made choices you regret or endured traumas in the past, they will always be part of you. Withholding judgment and loving who you were in those moments are the first steps to healing and loving yourself today.
As Dom said, this work pays off. The more you evolve personally, the more those around you will benefit. If I can show my kiddos that loving yourself is just as important as loving others, especially in the day-to-day when teaching isn’t intentional, they can create their own mental safe spaces.
And then they can pass the same lessons to their peers and the next generation, building a more loving and safe world for everyone.
Get the full story here to learn more about the Cultivating H.E.R. Space podcast, why mental diversity is essential, and the three phrases that Dom uses to guide her journey.
You can connect with her on Instagram, her private practice’s website, and through the Cultivating H.E.R. Space podcast, which she hosts with last week’s guest, Terri Lomax, wherever you get your podcasts.
As Dom said, this work pays off. The more you evolve personally, the more those around you will benefit. If I can show my kiddos that loving yourself is just as important as loving others, especially in the day-to-day when teaching isn’t intentional, they can create their own mental safe spaces.
And then they can pass the same lessons to their peers and the next generation, building a more loving and safe world for everyone.
Get the full story here to learn more about the Cultivating H.E.R. Space podcast, why mental diversity is essential, and the three phrases that Dom uses to guide her journey.
You can connect with her on Instagram, her private practice’s website, and through the Cultivating H.E.R. Space podcast, which she hosts with last week’s guest, Terri Lomax, wherever you get your podcasts.
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